Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
