Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
