first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
