dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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