We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
3pm strippers are depressing
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
