So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
