I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
