i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
