Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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