Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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