**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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