a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
