Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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