Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
