i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So gin and wine won't be happening again
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
