My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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