hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
