I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
