what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
