I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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