YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
