Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
