The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
