YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
