He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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