i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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