come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize