and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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