I'm gonna have a badass scar
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
