the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
