Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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