I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and she was petting her beer can
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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