You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
