i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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