Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
