Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Send help, water and tortillas.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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