So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
COCAINE IS GR8
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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