Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
