stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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