he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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