Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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