Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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