Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
