doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I didn't notice because vodka
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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