i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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