I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
