Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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