She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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