My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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