i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
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Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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