u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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