We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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