Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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