Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
