Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
