how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
