Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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