I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
