Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
whose parrot is this?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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