fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
