he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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