So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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