Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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