life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.