I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
