I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
