Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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