I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???