This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
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my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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