apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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