I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
organizing the empties. That sober.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
