Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
