HIV tests are more positive than that guy
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
