i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
