I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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